So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
