then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
