Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
