The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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