If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
