Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
