i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
