I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
