then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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