So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
