I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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