New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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