I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
