you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
