Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
