The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize