I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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