Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
