Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
