my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
