did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
