Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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