dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
