Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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