just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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