You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we should paint friendship bongs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
