just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
