porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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