I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Semen is not good for contacts.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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