I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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