This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
