I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
