Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
