Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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