he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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