Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
