I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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