Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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