I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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