YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
