I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
