i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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