Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
