I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
