The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
