i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
