I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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