I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
