And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
