After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
