please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
