I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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