Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
