this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
