Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
