if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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