This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
