I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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