He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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