when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
