Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize