I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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